The Big Dance

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream.” -Paulo Coelho

It's Thursday night, well really it's Friday morning, and I'm sitting at my computer finishing up some homework when I get the feeling that something big is coming. I know what it is. I have been anticipating this event for nearly a year. Still I find myself getting nervous.

Saturday at 2:30 P.M. the gun will go off and the turbines will begin to spin. I can't make any promises as to how well those turbines will hold up. It is likely that they will be strong and give me all that I can ask of them, and perhaps more. Still, this is not just another bike race, it is the "Queen" of the Mid-Atlantic Cyclocross Series, Granogue. Things won't get any easier as the weekend progresses. The following day is the "King" of the MAC, Wissahickon.

In previous years Granogue has always been a great race for me. I have never finished below 3rd place. I have never thought that the course suited me particularly well, however, I have always managed to ride well there. Wissahickon is a course that, like Granogue, I enjoy and have done pretty well there. The first year at Wiss. I finished 2nd and last year despite breaking my front wheel in three places I managed to pull off a 21st place. Last year, despite the bad placing, was probably one of my absolute best rides.

The 2008 "Royal" MAC weekend will be far different from the previous two years. This year is my first time not being a favorite for the podium. Moving up to the Elite field was a difficult decision. I like winning, I like winning a lot. Racing in the Elite field yields a very slim chance that I will walk away with a win. However, I will be racing against the best cyclocross racers in the country. These riders will force me to dig deeper, and go harder than I have ever thought possible. Being pushed to a new level is what drove me to move up this season.

I will not find glory racing in UCI Elite Men's fields. My finish will likely mean nothing to my non-cycling friends, it's nothing to brag about, show off with, or pick-up girls with. (Like cycling results get girls?) So far this season I have had the attitude that I can be satisfied with doing okay at a race. My placing does not matter, I'm racing myself. I should be satisfied with my placing if it is the best that I could to do. To be completely honest I really do care about my placing. I want to do well and I want to win. I have to be realistic and understand that it is going to a difficult season. But today I make a resolution. I will no longer be satisfied with anything less than a win. I will be happy if I do well and finish respectably, but I will not be satisfied with anything but the top step on the podium. I will no longer compare my finish in the manor of "I was racing against the top guys nationally, --th place is a great finish." Through the act of upgrading to UCI Elite cyclocross racer, I put myself on the same level as Trebon, Johnson, Powers, Wicks, Anthony, Driscoll, and more. From this moment forward I will not stand to be starstruck, or allow myself to be nervous about racing these guys. I earned my spot on the start line, and my finish is entirely in my hands.

Bring on the weekend. I will not fear the suffering that is coming, but rather I will embrace it. I am pursuing my dream.

Peace and Love,
Patrick